My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
