No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
