I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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