So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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