ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
