I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize