I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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