You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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