So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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