Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize