i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
