he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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