You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize