so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
