WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
