If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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