i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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