Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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