I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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