My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
