you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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