okay pat passed out under dana's car
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize