I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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