I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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