I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
