I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize