I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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