one two three fourrrrnication!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
