I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
