We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
