Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
