i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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