Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
