Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
