I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
