There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dicks are not precious.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
