Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize