dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
