White coat. Heels.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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