I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
