I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The power of my boobs compel you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
