you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
