i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
