I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
