You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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