def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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