Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we made out on top of his cat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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