apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
