you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize