R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
