How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize