Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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