I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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