I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
