Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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