So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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