WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
