i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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