Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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