Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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