Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
