Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
