can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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