Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize