talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize