That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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