She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Couch. On fire.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
