Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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