His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
