Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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