Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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