I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
