Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
