Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
