Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
