so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
