If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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