remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
