I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
