hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
