This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
