Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
