How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
