Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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