have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
