Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
