someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize