Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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