I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
