mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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