She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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