just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
