I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"it" just moved
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
