I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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