She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
