I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
