I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
