"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize