so explain again why im purple
no
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
